(no subject)

[whitrthanwhite]

Ugh. What do you take for nightmares that seem to be regular.

Comments

[whitrthanwhite]

Not super majorly.

Just I keep having nightmares where I wake up and find I'm my mother.

Or I've become a teenage delinquent.

Or a giant wall of Jell-O crushes me while I'm standing on the moon facing a monolith while "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" plays.

[memoryistime]

... Jell-O.

Do you... have you any idea why you're having these dreams? Like, at all?

... Especially the Jell-O one.

[Private to Shina]

[whitrthanwhite]

The first two are probably related to my brother, who I must protect from becoming a homicidal demon king delinquent with 5 pompadours who will take over Japan if I ease off of him.

The Jell-O I'm not sure, but might have to do with all the black magic in my system??

Re: [Private to Shina]

[memoryistime]

Maybe you need to get out your magic in some way. You might be building it up and it's causing negative effects.

Re: [Private to Shina]

[whitrthanwhite]

I use it all the time for work!

Re: [Private to Shian]

[memoryistime]

Hnmm... Maybe your body got too used to that, though?

Is there anything else you use your magic with?

Re: [Private to Shian]

[whitrthanwhite]

No. Because I refuse to.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[memoryistime]

... I think we found out the source of the build-up, then.

You can't do that to yourself. Even I have to use my abilities once in a while for their intended use, or else it'll end up becoming unbearable.

Energy has to go somewhere, after all.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[whitrthanwhite]

I refuse to depend on magic. End of story.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[memoryistime]

Non-negotiable.

Either use it, or find a way to get rid of it.

This isn't a thing you can go "well, I just won't use it because I don't want to" at-- magic doesn't play nice when you don't use it.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[whitrthanwhite]

Well it'll have to learn to.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[memoryistime]

It doesn't? Only one who has to learn is the user. You can't train magic to just do what you think it should be doing. The user's the only outlet.

Honestly, nothing good ever comes of going "I refuse to use it". Those who say that usually find themselves looking like fools for not noticing warning signs.

I hate my abilities, but I'd rather use them instead of making myself worse.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[whitrthanwhite]

I'll forced it to be trained.

I refuse to be dragged into magic nonsensically.

I plan to live an absolutely normal perfect life.

Forever.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[memoryistime]

...

Shiroko, do you realize how asinine you sound right now?

Re: [Private to Shian]

[whitrthanwhite]

It's not asinine to want to live a relatively normal life with minimal strangeness.

I refuse to let my mother be right that I'm a freak.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[memoryistime]

... Why do you care, though?

Re: [Private to Shian]

[whitrthanwhite]

Because it's what matters to me. I want to prove her wrong because it's my ultimate revenge by proving her wrong.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[memoryistime]

...

Do you even talk to her, anymore?

Re: [Private to Shian]

[whitrthanwhite]

No.

But living my life completely normal is my revenge.

My ideal.

My desire.

My hope.

My virtue.

My perfect world.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[memoryistime]

... Again.

Do you know how asinine you're sounding at the moment?

Like, you're saying stuff I'd expect the villain in a comic would say. One of those really edgy comics, too.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[whitrthanwhite]

How does being normal sound edgy.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[whitrthanwhite]

Besides. I relent on using magic for work. Letting my hair be multi-colored.

That's enough. I want to be able to set my boundaries of what is the stop point.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[memoryistime]

The edgy part comes from the whole thing you just went on about "desire, hope, virtue, perfect world"-- it sounds like the kinda thing someone about to do a purge does.

And that's fine, it's fine to have boundaries on where to stop. I'm telling you though to use your magic a bit more so you can keep those boundaries. Sometimes you gotta do something different, cause now your "muscle" is used to what you usually do.

Re: [Private to Shian]

[whitrthanwhite]

I want a purge. Of magic thinking it can do whatever to me.

If I use it, I can't keep those boundaries. And if I keep doing something different, eventually magic will invade my entire life in a way I don't want. How it is right now is perfect.

o3o

Re: [Private to Shian]

[memoryistime]

Well. Whatever. You asked for a way to help. And I gave it. I've got my own immense worries to deal with, too.