whitrthanwhite | [Private to Shikou]

... Ah...?

About what, then?

... I want to enter the Pro Leagues.

But... I think the only chance I might have to start with... might involve something you won't be happy about.

... Two questions, then.

What is it, and how certain are you that it is your only chance?

... Trying to control my DID. Immersing myself into roles. DeRay said...

I probably have no other chance as is other then as a career killer or a Heel Killer. Or I take advantage of my DID. Entrance into the Pro League tends to require being a parody of yourself.

Mn... I understand attempting to take control of your problem... But it all depends on how far you're going to be taking this... "Parodying".

...

I've... tried already. I can pull out... without too much difficult, but it does... fight.

I want to be able to get in. In case Shiyoko ever gets the chance... I... also want to pay Eusebius back.

And I want to be with you.

I don't care how much I embarrass myself... but...

... I would rather you not try to demean yourself, you know. While you're not bothered by embarrassing yourself, those who care about you would.

If you are able to pull yourself out of it, though... Then fine. I will trust that you'll be able to continue pulling yourself out of it. But I want you to promise that at the first real chance that you are allowed to not rely on something that may be embarrassing you or demeaning you, I want you to take it.

You are not to be doing something like that for your entire career, Pro Leagues or otherwise... But until then, I'll support you, at the very least.

... I want in. I don't care who I have to be to do so. I want in. I want Marias to stop laughing at me and treating me like trash. I wish to stand against DeRay. I want to be next to you instead of chasing you. I want to repay Eusebius of my debts to him, without relying on Shiyoko's money.

I... would. I'm... currently trying to aim to go with the Idol route. ... It's the easiest, and... I guess I want to prove I can start even as the most pathetic and laughable person there.

I'm a terrible person, aren't I?

... Not really, but... I want to question something.

If you want Marias to not laugh at you... Then why go with a route that will most likely cause you to be demeaned by her?

Because... I don't want to be considered someone who got in because of their money or connections. I want to earn everything.

Tokei will never get respect because her life is entirely that. And you saw probably how she was mocked for it. I... want to be better than that.

... I don't really understand the logic between that and "demeaning actions"... But I think it's better if I don't try to question it.

... And no, I actually haven't seen how Miss Tokei was... "Mocked" for it. All I remember is that she is terribly frightened of me.

... I don't want to cheat. And the most likely way is... from the bottom.

... Huh?

And, she made some derogatory comments on the Pro League, and basically was criticized for being a spoiled rich brat who has everything handed to her. I don't want to be considered that.

Mn... Though... That just makes me think of more issues with this, then... Such as the fact that alternate personas might be considered "cheating", as well, if you're doing them on purpose.

... I beat her in a duel when she was... Demonic. Very efficiently too, to the point where she was scared.

Well... You'd be working through your own effort, wouldn't you?

... I don't understand.

Huh.

... If I do it with any money from my family, any contacts from my friends, any help from anyone...

I want people to stop mocking me. I work hard for things. I'm not some... failure. Reject. Loser.

If you're scouted while acting in a completely different manner than how you usually are, it could be considered fraudulent or even conniving of you, because it would be an unfair advantage over others who might be trying to show their own talents and skills.

But you wouldn't be, either way. You'd be doing it yourself. Isn't that right?

You're not. But it still makes me wonder why you'd want to do it in a way that would... Get you mocked, considering your statements about how you don't mind being embarrassed.

... But how else... no one would recruit me as anything other than a deck killer.

I want to, yes. I don't want to be some rich girl in people's eyes.

... Because the only way to get in is to be a gimmick duelist. No one would let me in, otherwise. Other than as a lunatic of justice...

And I don't want to be the girl from December again...

I can't be taken in as anything other than a player killer, myself. But I will never subscribe to the notion that I must be a "gimmick duelist". I would much rather walk away from any manager who attempts that the first time.

Then you make it clear that you got in under your own power. Not under the power of anyone else. Perhaps you should enter into local tournaments in order to gain attention.

I'm considered a lunatic myself, in more ways than one, but as I said, I will never allow any manager to attempt to place a "gimmick" to me. Even if that cuts down my own chances, I want to be able to display myself. Not an act.

... I don't want to be a Deck Killer... I can see as why you would be. But... I need to get in, so I can be there waiting for my sister, and chase people I know. But...

I have nothing. I have nothing outstanding. Except some claws, an obsession with justice, my eyes turning black, and the ability to heal, but that means nothing. I... don't have a single thing. I won't get into the Pros...

... I respect that. But you have a personality... I don't. Even though people like me, I don't have a TV personality. You do.

... I don't really... Have a "TV personality". I'm just me. Polite. Boring. Straight-forward. There's nothing really interesting about that.

You have as much personality as you'd want yourself to have. Maybe sometimes, you need to just focus on being good, before what your... "Show personality" might be, for the Pro Leagues. It's why I suggest doing smaller tournaments before attempting to find a manager through this.

... You also have a very charismatic commanding atmosphere to you.

I... am good. I.. have 3-4 years of training. I've... refined myself. But... without something else to it, I'm already dead in the water, a corpse waiting to drown...

... I don't see how it's charismatic or commanding. Usually I'm the one commanded around.

Like I said. Minor tournaments. They might help you to, at least, gain manager attention by your skill, and then work on any sort of... Persona for it.

I think you need to be out of your shoes, or watch yourself. Perhaps.

... I don't have the personality to attract a Manager. From the sounds of it. You need a gimmick or a strong personality. And I have neither.

... Maybe, though something tells me that I wouldn't want to.

I still think that focusing on talent first should be the priority. Gimmick or not, you still need to be considered "good", or you'll go nowhere in the Pro Leagues. You need to be able to display your ability at your greatest.

...

I... I'll try. But I doubt I'll get anywhere, except with my Disassociation. I'm... too... "Deadpan", as Shiyoko calls it.

... Also, Noriko for some reason offered to turn me into a Duel Spirit. I have absolutely no clue why, and I thought you should know.

As long as you at least try first, that is all I want.

... ergh... Noriko... What is she thinking of now... I'll ask her about that, then.

... Alright.

What sort of tournaments are acceptable? Besides the obvious fact of the idiocy of Underground Duelings.

I think she's been trying to pawn something off... and she's getting desperate? I know I've heard the term "Psychic Lifetrancer" off and on from her.

Local, minor, and even major regional tournaments. There's many stores in the city that promote the game that run their own tournaments, so it might be best to start there and work up with gaining attention. You might also want to check any closer areas in the Tokyo region on weekends.

I'm still going to ask her why she'd offer it to you. ... Haven't talked to her much recently, anyway.

... I'll see what I can do. I've also been considering Street Dueling. So... I don't know.

But... I do wonder who would pick up a girl with a DARK angel/Lightsworn deck... Heh.

Just trying to give you more information before doing so.

... Well... Not like me to really... Suggest something that would result in this... But if you really want to bring acting into it in order to help control your problem, look into a sort of "dualism" persona?

Most DARK angels are high-level while Lightsworn, in a majority sense, are easily summonable at low-level. Perhaps have one dominant personality trait when you start out with lower-level LIGHT angels, and then move into a different trait when the high-level DARK angels are summoned out? It might even depend on the majority field-presence...

... I don't really run any Low Level Angels. Just the Lightsworn.

Hrm. That seems feasible...

Actually... that works fairly well.

That works... I think I can make it work...

Might make me a heel duelist, but... I can see it working.

Thank you, Shikou.

Hah... You're welcome, Shiroko. I do sincerely hope it works out for you.

... And I hope you find your job as well.

Thank you, Shiroko.

[Private to Shikou]

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